


Tales from The Speck

by DivineValley



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Clone OC's - Freeform, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Slice of Life? Sorta?, slight body horror
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-03-15 16:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 20,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13616787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineValley/pseuds/DivineValley
Summary: Follow the somewhat dysfunctional crew of The Speck, a tiny station on the outer rim as they go about their day to day lives during the Clone Wars...and do their best to survive to the end of it.





	1. A Business Deal

**“Vic my main man! How’s it going? What’s the word? Enjoying that mush of yours? Your day going by wonderfully?”** Sitting across from the other Howler didn’t mind he was invading the other man’s space. Not really, Vice needed to learn to be less of a loner after all.

“That isn’t my name…and I honestly can’t take anything you say seriously because of that machine. Shouldn’t you be in your armor?”

-So you know how to sign?- Howler spoke using his hands and when he was met by a blank stare his eyebrows raised.  **“Looks like you’re stuck with this just like I am!”**

He titled his head watching the younger clone try to ignore him, go back to his disappointed meal but his scowl remained in place when Howler now seemed to be hovering over him. The long-suffering sigh that escaped him fueled Howler’s smile when Vic finally pushed his tray aside and folded his hands neatly before glaring at him. “What do you want?”

**“No need to speak slowly Vic, I’m mute, not deaf. Because of that, I’ve heard some interesting things. Like you know who’s hoarding the last of the chocolate.”**

“And just how did you come across this info?”

**“The vents have ears~”**

“I…I really shouldn’t be surprised to find out you crawl around the vents, should I? Honestly how you haven’t been sent back to Kamino is beyond my understanding. Yes, I know who has been hoarding the chocolate and good sizable amount of it, there’s corruption in our kitchens.” Vic muttered as he rested his chin on his hand actually looking bothered by this.

**“No duh. So here’s a deal, my friend,”**

“We’re not friends.”

**“My potential business associate then! You give me the name of the hoarder, I win over the chocolate bars we split the goods 50/50.”**

Deliberating the offer Vic’s brow furrowed, the younger clone was a bit of a…hardass. Ever since he showed up at The Speck he always seemed to have the urge to keep things orderly, drove some of the others up a wall. He was a bit of a loner, outcasted even and it was a trait he shared in common with Howler when he first arrived himself.

“It would be nice to see him be knocked down a peg or two. Alright, it’s a deal but just how are you going to do to get him to hand them over?”

“A challenge of strength.” Standing up from another table Hawke approached them with Mouse at his side guiding him over. “No brother could resist a challenge when his pride is on the line.” He said a playful smile forming on his lips.

 **“Especially when the challenger is this guy.”** Howler pointed his thumb in Mouse’s direction. Vic looked at the three unsure of what they could possibly planning or how in the galaxy Mouse could take on anyone but if he’d learned anything since coming here it’s that this trio certainly knew how to make life a little more interesting.


	2. The Challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vic can see Howler smirk and nudge Hawke lightly the two are smiling as though they know the galaxy’s greatest secret.

“Excuse me what did you just ask me?”

“I didn’t ask you anything I’m challenging you. For chocolate.” Mouse clarifies as he stares down at Zapper who had placed down his weights as everyone else in the training room stopped to watch the strange interaction that was going on. Across the room Vic, Howler looked on while Hawke sat comfortably on one of the benches listening to the murmurs and comments that were going around the crowd of clones.

“The bait’s been set.” He said with a smile, tilting his head some more he could hear some of Zapper’s lackeys snort saying Mouse was out of his league but there was no way someone like Zapper will back down and look like a coward in front of others, it wasn’t in his nature. Vic, on the other hand, was not sharing Hawke’s confidence in this. He couldn’t see this working and was regretting giving them Zapper’s name, something could go wrong, a million things could go wrong and he’d feel quite guilty if bodily harm to Mouse. Yet these two didn’t seem to have any worries right now, they both looked amused about the entire situation. 

“Zapper isn’t a clone who sits on his backside all day, do you really think Mouse stands a chance at any sort of physical challenge? He’s still on the field, Mouse hasn’t seen battle in months.” 

Vic can see Howler smirk and nudge Hawke lightly the two are smiling as though they know the galaxy’s greatest secret. Letting out a frustrated sigh his attention is pulled back across the room as Zapper stands up looking Mouse over with little regard. He didn’t pose a threat, everyone on this station knew Mouse was a pushover of a soldier what could he possibly do? Pointing at his mouth to make sure his lips were being read Zapper spoke loudly. “Sure! I accept whatever challenge you have!”

“You don’t have to shout, I can’t hear you either way!” Mouse replied in a loud voice as he folded his arms and thought for a moment. “An endurance challenge! Push ups, sit ups, pull-ups? Whatever you choose. I win you give me all your smuggled away chocolate. You win I take your cleaning duty for your last month here.”

At least it wasn’t a fight that’s the only bright side Vic was seeing right now seeing how smug Zapper looked. He was constantly in the training room working out and had only seen Mouse there a few times on occasion so the challenge was accepted and everyone gathered around mats watching the two get ready. The rules had been set, it would be push up as many as the other can do before calling it quits. A countdown was said and with a slap, to the floor, the two went off as cheering erupted all around, nothing better than a good old competition to get morale up. 

Vic doesn’t expect it to last long, he expects at any second Mouse’s arms will buckle at any second and that he’ll be suffering through refresher duty for the coming month but the older clone keeps going. Up and down at a constant pace not wavering for a moment even as Vic notes they’re pushing past 100 now. He’s not the only one who notices, he can see the shocked expressions of others who honestly didn’t expect this kind of performance from Mouse of all people. The number slowly climbs to 200 and Zapper is looking utterly ragged, sweat dripping down his forehead and neck, his back looking utterly soaked. There’s a slight tremor in his arms and in a blink he’s down, it was over and Mouse was still going it took someone tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention. 

As the training room fills with deafening screams and cheers Vic is nearly brought to the ground when Howler throws an arm around his shoulders and doing the same to Hawke who is laughing happily not needing to see to know what’s just happened right now. Being pulled along by the two who pushed through the crowd to Mouse he stood back as the three crashed into one another celebrating the victory. They believed in him, they believed Mouse could do it with no doubts or fears…like true brothers. No time was wasted in getting their prize, Zapper had ten chocolate bars he had swiped from the kitchen supply, not looking pleased at all when Howler pulled them from his grasp. Just like he had wanted Zapper was taken down more than just a peg maybe he’ll learn not to gloat from now on. Intending to return back to his bunk

“ **Vic!** ” Just barely catching the bars that were thrown at him to find Howler standing behind him with a wide smile. “ **Where are you going? We’re gonna go celebrate!** ”

“For the last time that isn’t my…what do you mean we?” He questioned when Howler ran to his side and grabbed him by the wrist again pulling him toward the others.

“Of course, without you, we would have never have known it was Zapper who had the chocolate. You were a key part in this.”

“Come eat chocolate with us!”

He honestly hadn’t been interested in the chocolate at all, he just couldn’t stand the fact that Zapper had been abusing what little power he had here. So he believed once this was over these three would simply be done with him. Glancing down at the chocolate in his hands and the trio in front of him he sighed. 

“Alright fine…I’m between the four of us these will be eaten in no time.”

Vic hadn’t witnessed many victories in his life but today he certainly experienced one.


	3. Medic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And you didn’t notice out of those five, one of them wasn’t a medic?!”

At first, they think it’s food poisoning a few clones complaining of stomach problems after breakfast in the morning, only two men complaining they ate the same meal nothing to worry about but when that number doubles and then triples it’s quite clear there’s some kind of epidemic that’s spreading through the residents of The Speck. Men are stuck in their bunks growing sick into bowls, buckets, and even their own helmets, the smell in some areas is almost overwhelming. Howler has become a victim and is curled up in ball looking like death itself, too weak to sign properly or type into his comm.

“So there’s no medic stationed here,” Hawke informs him while he and Mouse stand over the bunk in full armor in an attempt to keep the virus at bay. “I…am really not sure how we didn’t know that…or how this place has gone on this far without one.”

“There’s no medic here Howl, can you believe that?!” Wincing a bit when Mouse repeated the information communication between the two was difficult when Hawke’s face was covered now. Placing a hand on his shoulder telling him it was fine the older clone seemed to clam up clearly embarrassed. Watching Howler weakly move his hands Mouse nodded in understanding before relaying the message. “He says…we need one right the fuck away.”

“Obviously…” Gesturing for Mouse to remain with Howler, Hawke sets off down the halls carefully making his way toward Sten’s office. He’s memorized the layout of the station but there was more of a risk of slipping now. He turns a corner keeping one hand on the wall when he stops midstep avoiding a collision with someone.

“Hawke,” That clipped tone, exasperated with worry and stress just from the brief mention of his name.

“Nice to see you’re still standing Vic.”

“I wouldn’t call it nice, every vod in my room is bringing up his meal from this morning. It’s everywhere, there’s nowhere safe from this, this sickness!…What about your room it’s only the three of you, right?”

With a shake of his head, he sighs tiredly, “No, Howler has it too, have you seen sarge yet? I’m heading there now, you know we don’t have a medic do you?”

“How in the hell don’t we have a medic?!” There is a brief silence and Hawke could almost hear the gears in Vic’s head moving. “How did I not know we didn’t have a medic?!”

They make the trip together to Sten’s small quarters it’s not that large but it’s his own and everyone feels that slight jealousy in the fact he has a private room all to himself. Vic knocks politely on the door they wait a few moments before knocking again. When there’s no answer or call from within Hawke simply enters ignoring Vic’s slightly panicked calls for him to not be rude but there was a time and place for manners. It doesn’t take long to identify the sound of dry heaving and Hawke groans. Their mighty leader has gotten sick as well. Sten is in his bed looking as pitiful as every other soldier who’s been hit with the virus.

“Sir are you aware there’s no medic on this station,” Hawke asks getting right to the point feeling little sympathy right now.

“No shit…I was pretty sure we had one a year ago…I think?”

“How did you not know?!” Vic shouts this time just as exasperated as Hawke, sure they didn’t know but the man in charge of running the station should at least know if he had a medic on staff!

“Look I’ve got a lot of men that come through this station! Except for the like five that are always here!” Was Sten’s defense as he sinks into his covers debating on shooting himself out of the airlock to spare himself the pain he was feeling right now.

“And you didn’t notice out of those five, one of them wasn’t a medic?!” Hawke shouts and sighs knowing this wasn’t getting them anywhere They needed a medic, they needed one desperately so how in the hell were they going to find one?


	4. CT-3771

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He probably should have stayed on Kamino...

CT-3771 was more than a little surprised when he was given the orders to leave Kamino and report to a station close to the outer rim that was in desperate need of a medic. He didn’t believe he’d ever leave the clone homeworld again after he started teaching shinies in the medical program but here he was landing a ship in a docking bay to be greeted by no one. 

He had a bad feeling about this. 

Cautiously walking down the ramp he rested a hand on his blaster when the doors to the bay opened and someone walked…or was attempting to walk out. He was slow and when they were finally within reach of each other CT-3771 saluted deciding to shoot in the dark and guess this was the Sargeant in charge of the station. “Sir, CT-3771 reporting for-”

“No, no, no…you gotta name? Names, we do names here, name quick.” The sarge said with a snap of his fingers causing him to wonder if he was being tricked right now.

“Blitz, sir.”

“Awesome, good, Blitz. I’m Sten but you call me sir, now you’re a medic and I need you to work your magic right now.” Being ushered into the base by Sten who wrapped an arm around his shoulders, Blitz had a feeling it was more for support than a show of friendliness. 

“Now I suggest you keep your bucket on unless you wanna catch what’s been going around here. I had wanted to just lock everyone who was sick in one room and just hope for the best but was informed that’s a bad idea. And it’s not humane or something so here’s medical sorry if it’s a bit dusty, we haven’t had a medic in a year! Well, scoot to it!”

Receiving a slap on the back Blitz was left standing alone in the hall unsure of where he had landed or what the hell was going on all he could do was get to work. He travels the halls stopping at every room he comes across to find sick soldiers, he doesn’t flinch over the smell of sick or the how some of their wastebaskets are filled with Force knows what he simply works, giving them water urging some to try and eat some toast so there’s at least something in their stomach. The process repeats over and over until he comes to the last room which is much small just two bunks inside and three troopers who have taken up residence in here. The size alone reminded him of a storage closet and he wondered for a moment if this was one at some point.

There’s only one sick man in this room which was a relief, he could count the number of healthy men on a single hand and he wondered how this station was even functioning right now. “I’m CT-3771, you can call met Blitz, I’m a medic.” He informed them, the sick man in bed barely acknowledges him probably too weak to properly answer while the other two look in his direction. Blitz’s gaze is drawn to the soldier in the opposite bunk who’s facing him but clearly cannot see him, there are scars all around his face…he’s blind. Blitz has seen his fair share of blinded men that wasn’t the shocking part it was just surprising to see…that he was here instead of Kamino where’d he’d be…

“Are you a medic?” Torn from his thoughts the one who was standing approaches him and Blitz is first caught off guard by his height. He’s slightly taller by a few inches which wasn’t right they were all supposed to be the same exact height. Confused by his question Blitz wondered if he had spoken too softly when the blind clone on the bed reaches out to the other. Getting his attention he gestures to his lips.

“Yes, he’s a medic.” He mouths before he’s turned back in Blitz’s direction. “Sorry, if you can take off your helmet it’d be easier for him, Mouse is deaf. And your patient over there is mute, but don’t let that fool you he has a big mouth. I’m Hawke by the way. It’s nice to meet you, Blitz.”

Blind, deaf and mute all here in one station? They shouldn’t be here, they shouldn’t even be…alive right now. Blitz says nothing of this though and he examines Howler the one who’s ill, he tells him the usual and receives a thumbs up and the word thank you which is mouthed before he curls up under his blankets again. What is going on in this station? 

There are so many questions he wants to ask and there’s only one person who could give him answers. Going to Sten’s office he finds the sergeant sitting at his desk, his bucket is off and he looks a little worse for ware he’s sick as well. Clearing his throat to get his attention he stands at the door waiting to be invited in. Sten doesn’t look up from whatever work he’s mulling over just a hand gesture telling him to come over. 

“So you’re done? Sweet, alright well guess you can get going thanks for the help! You can go now, safe trip give my regards to everyone back home.” Sten dismisses him with a thin smile and Blitz removes his helmet so he could look at this man, really look at him. 

“When I told you didn’t have any medical staff I couldn’t believe a leader could be so neglectful in regard to his men’s health. That for a year you didn’t inform anyone of your lack of staff here it’s unprofessional, it’s irresponsible it’s just so out of line but then I-”

“But then you found them. Yeah, I expected that. Howler has been puking his brains out.” Sten interrupts he swings in his chair back and forth his eyes meeting Blitz’s and he looks tired, very tired and it’s not due to the illness that was going around. Sten stops his moving and he leans against his desk as a support his shoulders are stiff and there’s this sudden faraway look in his eyes a look Blitz has seen in countless soldiers before. It’s a look he’s seen in himself and he waits for some sort of explanation.

“I get a lot of soldiers…that come through this station. My crew is always rotating, I get all types, shines, veterans, those who pissed someone off so they get sent here for grunt work. All types…so the big guys in charge they don’t pay much attention to a station like this. There’s a reason why this place is called The Speck…so say I get few clones who can’t really do the best job? Maybe they’re a little slow, maybe their arms and legs aren’t working like they used to. Hell, maybe they’ve even lost an arm or leg…or eyes or a voice. So they stay here for a bit, few months under the radar and then they’re sent to another station and then another and then they’re just somewhere else and well I couldn’t tell you where they end up next, somewhere else out there in space?”

“You help them desert the army.” Blitz’s voice is clipped and he watches Sten grow still and those tired eyes have zeroed in on him, his mouth a thin straight line as he finally rises looking like a man with purpose.

“No, I help them live. I help them survive. You’re a medic you know better than anyone else what happens once a clone loses his usefulness. You’re a medic on Kamino, I’m sure you’ve seen it for yourself. Tell me how many brothers have you watched be taken away into a cold white room where they’re put down like animals and then cut apart and recycled like, like trash? How many? Tell me, go on tell me.” 

Too many. 

There’s this pressure in his chest as he tries to chase away the images in his head, of the hundreds maybe thousands he’s watched be lead away to their doom. His stomach feels like lead and he wants it to go away. “…What do you want with me?” He manages to choke out, he doesn’t know why he’s here anymore, what was he doing here?

“I want your help. Obviously. You’re right I can’t keep a medic off this station, puts lives at risk. Accidents can happen, sickness some idiot cracking his head open from falling off his bunk, anything…I need someone. So when I was given a choice of potential medics who could come here I read over your profile and I thought you would sympathize…y’know because of your own situation.”

Blitz feels a chill run down his back and he wants to know what’s written about him, what kind of info is freely given out about himself. He wants to ask or maybe just demand to see it but he instead focuses on what is being offered to him right now. “You want me to stay here?”

“I’m offering that to you. You can stay here be our medic, keep your mouth shut and help out your brothers who really need it. Or you can go back home and tell those long-necked monsters what I’m doing and have those three and myself destroyed and anyone else they find out is involved. Choice is yours.”

Well is their even a choice to make?

Blitz’s shoulders slump and the first headache of many starts to form in the back of his skull. “…Well, get into bed.”

“Huh?”

“Get into bed, as your medic I do have authority over you and you look like you’re about to make friends with the floor any second now, sir.” Blitz emphasis on the sir to get his point across. “Into bed, drink water and try and eat some toast or something, I have to get that sad excuse of a medical room in order.”

He knew he had a bad feeling about this place…but maybe it wouldn’t be so awful if it meant he could actually save some lives.


	5. A Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe being here isn't so bad?

“Bliiiiitz I have a cut on my hand.”

“Doc! Cal cracked his tooth on the shower floor, there’s a lot of blood!”

“Jacks walked into another pipe!”

“I think I’m sick…can you write me a note getting me out of cleaning duty?”

“Hey, toenails grow back right???”

“I uh…hurt my wrist. M-moving inventory for the next shipment! Just from moving heavy boxes and that’s it! Just give me a brace or something!”

He was so tempted, so very tempted to go back to Kamino, this was almost maddening. Every time he hears that door swish open Blitz is this much closer to putting his head through a wall. Teaching shinies fresh off the line wasn’t this insane and yet somehow in the span of a few days these men had been able to drive Blitz so far up a wall anyone would think it was a Jedi keeping him up there. Slumped over his desk with his eyes shut he tried to take a moment of peace when he heard that cursed door open.

Swoosh

“Please go away.”

Swooosh, that stupid noise. Gods, why did they even make that noise? What was the point of that noise? Shouldn’t they be silent, wasn’t that the whole point? Remaining still he ignored the footsteps that approached him when a delightful aroma filled his nostrils and he cracked his eyes open just in time to see a cup of caff be placed beside his head. Oh, well this is unexpected and it was Mouse? Yes, this was Mouse the deaf trooper, one of the clone’s Sten was hoping to save.

“Uhm, thank you!” He might have said that a little too loudly and he realized his mistake but Mouse clearly understood and offered him a smile and nod. 

“It’s okay, as long as I can see your lips I can understand you? Do you know sign language by any chance?”

“No, I’m sorry.” He should though, there are all kinds of patients out there, some who can’t communicate, he remembered times like that in the midst of battle. Vod who were in too much pain to speak or the shock being too much, Blitz should have studied other means of communication for the sake of those who needed him.

“It’s okay, a lot of people don’t. I hope I made it a way you like it. I tend to like things that are sweet! Thought you could use a little pick me up, you’ve already been working hard. We’re all really happy that you’re here, it’s been a bit of stress not having a medic here, even for the little things. A lot of us just about know basic medical the kind we get in training but when someone really gets hurt it can be serious…I mean thankfully we’ve never lost anyone here! When Polo cracked his head open that time the sarge really stepped up! He was able to help him, I guess he knows a lot more than us, he stayed with him all night to make sure his condition didn’t worsen.”

Some idiot cracking his head open from falling off his bunk.

So that actually happened, that did sound oddly specific to him when Sten had given the example of what could go wrong here. “Why…didn’t he ask for a medic sooner then?” 

A frown spread across Mouse’s face as he pulled over a chair, he gave Blitz a look that was a clear answer. It was just one clone, one clone who was hurt who had done it to himself due to his own clumsiness. It would be viewed as a waste of resources to send someone over for one injured clone. That’s why they went so long without a medic, not because of Sten’s lack of trying but because it wasn’t viewed as something urgent as long as work can still be done on the station. He…was trying his best in being a good leader here, kriff, now he felt a little guilty for thinking so little of him.

“That’s another reason why I’m here. I want to learn, I want to learn more about taking care of others. It’s not smart that there’s only one person in this entire station knows how to treat people what if you get sick or need help then what? Everyone should learn so will you teach me? I know it might be difficult because of…my lack of hearing but I’ll be a good student, I’ll stay focused and I’ll do my best, more than my best so will you please teach me? Just a little?”

Caught a little off-guard by the sudden request, Blitz now felt a newfound respect for Mouse. He wanted to help his brothers and he wasn’t going to let anything stop him. Reaching the caff he took a sip of it finding it was quite sweet, usually, Blitz wasn’t one for overly sweet things but he’d make an exception this time.

“Alright I’ll teach you but in return, you teach me sign language that way we both benefit.”

He couldn’t describe the way Mouse’s face lit how bright his eyes looked in this moment. With an excited nod, he excused himself wanting to tell the others and ran out of the room. Smiling still Blitz finished off his drink already thinking of lesson plans when he heard that noise again. 

Swoosh

Glancing over at the door he tilted his head curiously seeing Sten standing in the doorway now not making direct eye contact. 

“I uh…kinda fucked my wrist up while rearranging the furniture in my office, just wanting to give the place a new look! So can you take care of this for me or what?”

Eyes nearly rolling into the back of his head Sten crushed the paper cup in his grip. It looks like he also needed to give a lesson about proper hand techniques as well.


	6. It's Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A drabble prompt sent to me by kristsune.

“This is unexpected.” A cup of caff is placed down in front of him, Blitz looks up tiredly to find Sten standing over his table, the cafe is empty, lights out had been a few hours ago so no one should be wandering the halls right now except for those scheduled for guard duty. 

Accepting the cup Blitz gives a half shrug taking a sip, noting how Sten makes the drink quite different compared to Mouse, there’ s no cream or sugar, it tastes almost bitter on his tongue but there’s a hint of milk that probably wasn’t even stirred in, he still gives a quiet thank you.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

_These aren’t mine._  
_Take them off…take them off…I don’t want them.  
_ **TAKE THEM OFF I DON’T WANT THEM! TAKE THEM OFF!**

Blitz flinches ever so slightly shaking the memory away, wanting to get the smell of disinfected out of his nose and the chill he was feeling out of his body. “Something like that…” He mumbles quietly keeping his eyes on the table and drinking a bit more of the caff. 

“Well…just thought you could use something warm to drink, g’night doc.” Sten pats him on the shoulder and Blitz can hear him walking towards the door probably back to his office to work late into the night like always, Sten wasn’t that slick when it came to hiding his fatigue, not with those dark circles under his eyes.

“It’s…okay to stay you know. I don’t mind some company. Some quiet company.” He says turning to look behind him wondering if Sten would take his invitation.  

In seconds Sten is now sitting across from him smiling though he changes his expression into a pout pretending he was hurt by the statement. “Are you saying I’m loud?”

“Hm, loud, obnoxious, slightly egotistical, power hungry?” 

“Hey…”

“Lazy, devious, clearly some kind of horn dog…”

“Woah there! What about being quiet?”

Blitz shrugs a smile finally on his face as he drinks some more. “Maybe I just like the sound of my voice?”

“You do realize we have the same voice.”

“Hmm…no mine is much more pleasing to hear, it’s why everyone listens to me better than you.” He teases and laughs softly glad to hear Sten join in after a moment.

It’s okay wanting to stay. It’s okay.


	7. CT-10-0005

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were a lot worse names out there in the galaxy that was for sure.

There were a lot worse names he could have been given than Quake, at least it sounded cool to some of the others. Better than being called Zeros from the sheer amount of them in his name. That had been his name while he was a cadet but once he was placed in the Coruscant Guard he was determined to get a better name and prove his worth as a soldier. He knew the reg manuals inside out, he knew how to take orders and carry them out, he’ s proven himself back home on Kamino he’d show this decision to be placed in the guard wasn’t a mistake.

It’s a shame he was often riddled with anxiety, he couldn’t explain it honestly it’s how he’s always been. Anxious, nervous, always thinking about what could go wrong and the millions of scenarios that could possibly happen. Sometimes he’d shake and it’s how he was given his second name, Quake, because he was always quaking in his boots. Again it could be worse, better than being called a zero. Though he wasn’t thrilled about this name either. So he works hard, harder than any other new recruit at least he thinks he does, he’s never given any of high-classlass missions that included the guard. Mostly just patrols, taking senators from point a to point b safely. If he’s lucky he stops a muggingsmall-timetime robbery it’s really nothing exciting.

Quake learns there’s a disconnect between the guard and other clone troopers very quickly. The real soldiers as they announce each time Quake stumbles across a vod on shoreleave and sees the red accents in his armor. It confuses him at first, weren’t they all on the same team? He never grew annoyed by these comments mostly because the vod who’d shout them would be drunk stumbling his way along to a bar or club to have a good time. One particular time he is shouted at by a sober group of troopers and Quake finally approaches them, removing his helmet and looking at them full of curiosity. 

“I don’t understand…aren’t we all serving the republic? What makes us different?” 

Maybe his question had caught them off guard or maybe how young he seemed to be compared to them. There were a few nervous looks exchanged among the small group when one of the older clones came forward placing a hand on his shoulder.

“To us…you haven’t really served the republic until…you’ve shed your own blood and tears. That’s just how some of us feel.” It wasn’t said in a nasty way or patronizing just honest. Really…it was the truth, how was he serving when all he did was stroll around the city and reporting in to his superiors? After that brief exchange Quake often thought about those words and his millions of brothers who were out on the battle field dying and sacrificing themselves to keep everyone safe. To keep those who looked down upon them and sees them as nothing more than…organic droids.

He slowly started to grow distain for his position and the senators he was supposed to protect. There were few that treated him and his brothers as people but a majority wouldn’t even regard them as living beings? Why? How could they ignore that? They were alive, they had feelings! They were capable of love and hate, crying and laughter how can you look someone in the eyes and say they’re not truly alive?

Quake never believed he’d reach breaking point, he always just bottled up his emotions, keep them locked up sure it’d come to bite him in the ass later on as a panic attack of some kind but he learned to deal with it…that was until he was tasked with escorting Halle Burtoni to a senate meeting.

He hated her. All clones hated her but…he hated her so much. 

The way she’d talk about them, like they were products easily replaced, a commodity to be sold and in truth that’s what they were but she didn’t need to say so especially when her safety was entrusted to them. 

She was speaking to another senator Mee Deechi who looked like he had slithered out from under a rock. The increase in clone units, how to price them, how better soldiers should be sold at better prices and how good quality of clones we becoming more rare these days.

“We’re doing the Republic a great service you know.” Her voice grated on his ears and something finally just snapped inside of him, he lunged at her, he actually lunged at her to only be stopped by several other guards.

“You kriffing piece of shab! Like you know anything! You think you’re doing a service?! You haven’t bled for the Republic?! You haven’t fought for anyone but yourself! You long necked bitch! You send us out to war and don’t look twice our way! Hundreds of thousands of lives wasted and you don’t give two shits about us!” 

In retrospect…he regretted it but at the same time he didn’t. It felt good seeing the fear in her pale eyes, to see how taken aback she was that a clone would say such things to her. 

Yeah it felt amazing…until she ordered for him to be destroyed. No amount of begging or pleading for mercy would spare him but Quake honestly didn’t care. He was able to say what many of his brothers were thinking, finally able to put it into words and make them real for all to hear. Plus in a way he wouldn’t be forgotten, he’d be known as the clone who lost his shit and gave Halle Burtoni the scare of her life. That’s a pretty good legacy in his eyes.

So when he was placed on a shuttle and shipped off Coruscant he was ready for death to come in the form of some horrid experiment or just a needle but that’s not what happened. Standing in the docking bay of some kind of station he’s greeted by a vod who introduces himself as his new Sargeant.

“Name’s Sten, but you call me sir. We don’t do numbers here, you got a name? Sorry I didn’t have much time to go over your file.”

Millions upon millions of questions go through his head and when he’s asked to give his name nothing comes out. It’s a simple question, just answer. Quake, that’s his name or Zeros, that was also his name, names he was never really fond of…so he just shook his head no.

“Huh, weird thought you had one. Well don’t let it get you down kid I’m sure you’ll pick one up soon enough.”

Sten is right, he does pick up a name from one of the other soldiers, a mute soldier who only wears his blacks, who keeps his hair wild and despite not being able to say a word has a louder voice than most others he’s ever met. Who spoke with expressions, his hands and leftover comm device that spoke in a childish voice that funnily enough suited him. Who’s smile seemed to infect others and strange antics were mostly just accepted by the others in the station. At first he finds it annoying, that wasn’t his name, he’d remind him over and over that it wasn’t his name but without even realizing as time passed the protests lessoned and the name wasn’t all that awful.

“ **Vic! C’mon I heard they actually brought in a shipment of ice cream! We got to get to it before it’s all gone!** ”

Following along Vic kept his normal pace knowing very well it’d annoy the other. “You know we’re not suppose to run through the halls.” He reminds Howler who grabs him by the arm pulling him along. 

There were a lot worse names out there in the galaxy that was for sure. 

But Vic, Vic wasn’t one of those names and he’d make sure to treasure it.


	8. Rotation Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So you three just scavenge around for stuff?”
> 
> “Well, not just stuff, better pillows, blankets things like that. I’m in the market for a new mattress.”
> 
> "So it's like a holiday where you pillage and go nuts?"
> 
> "Basically."

“Can someone explain…why we’re up so early?” Vic mumbled, he was all for waking up on time to start his duties of the day but two hours early was stretching it even for him. Unable to open his eyes all the way just wait it was a strain from the bright lights in the halls.

“ **It’s Rotation Day Vic! There’s no time for sleep!** ” Howler’s comm chirped in the sickeningly sweet voice, they really needed to get a new one, the novelty and humor of it was starting to wear thin now. 

“Rotation Day?” Yawning loudly he followed Howler until they reached the main barracks and Vic’s sluggishness evaporated when he realized the bunks were empty, where was everyone?! The entire crew, where the hell were they?! What’s going on?! Feeling panic bubble up inside him Vic opened his mouth about to ask when Hawke and Mouse arrived both looking quite excited.

“ROTATION DAY!” Throwing his fists up in the air, Mouse smiled widely as he and Howler high fived and went running off in separate directions investigating the empty bunks. What were they doing? What the hell was Rotation Day?

Nudging Hawke a bit he gave him a confused look forgetting the other was blind for a second but the younger clone seemed to almost sense Vic’s confusion and frustration. 

“This is your first Rotation Day, I completely forgot! Well you know The Speck’s crew is always changing, on Rotation Day the old crew is sent out for their next jobs or back to the field and a new one is brought in. Though between that there’s a period of two hours when the whole station is almost empty meaning…it’s open season. Whatever is left behind it for the taking.” Hawke informed with a smile.

“So you three just scavenge around for stuff?”

“Well, not just stuff, better pillows, blankets things like that. I’m in the market for a new mattress.”

"So it's like a holiday where you pillage and go nuts?"

"Basically."

Made sense and it was pretty clever in a way. Hearing metallic banging suddenly Vic looked down one of the rows to find Howler angrily waving around a metal box before he rushed back over to the duo showing them it was filled with various candy wrappers. 

“ **That Explicit Word, Zapper was holding out on us! He had more chocolate! Not just chocolate but those spicy sucking candies! I love those!** ” Throwing the box down with a scowl Howler huffed loudly looking like he was ready to rant when Mouse came back dragging along a mattress.

“Hawke I found one I think you might like! Oh and Vic here! You said you weren’t sleeping well!” Tossing Vic a pillow Mouse laughed seeing it bounce off his face and then haphazardly trying to catch it. 

Scouring through the rest of the barracks the group ended up in the cafeteria next where there was no stopping them to get into the kitchen. Staring at one of the food dispensers he stuck his mouth underneath the nozzle and waved his hand wildly gesturing for someone to press it.

“Howl do you really want a mouthful of mush oatmeal right now?”

Signing for a second toward Mouse the older clone nodded and snorted softly. “He says, it’ll be fun and he’s taking on challengers if you’re interested Gal’ika.”

 Much to everyone’s surprise Hawke felt his way around to the other and ducked his head beneath it. Vic and Mouse shared a brief look before starting a countdown and pressed down on the buttons dispensing the oatmeal. It was utterly stupid, chaotic and messy but damn wasn’t it hilarious. Just as Mouse and Vic started cheering getting ready for their own turns both went rigid when the doors to the kitchen opened revealing Sten and Blitz staring silently at the four.

“S-sir we can explain w-we were just testing out the efficiency of the dispensers for the new crew that are about to come in, sir!” Vic sputtered, quickly trying to cover it all up with an excuse. 

Sten sighed heavily as he took a step forward looking at the mess on the floor and each one of his men before clearing his throat. “…I’m not mad…I’m just disappointed…disappointed you all started ROTATION DAY WITHOUT ME! Blitzy and I are team three boys!” The Sargeant shouted as he hooked the medic into a headlock and pumping his fist in the air excitedly.

As a chorus of cheers sounded off in the room from each of them for the next two hours the remaining crew of The Speck enjoyed Rotation Day…all except for Blitz who had to handle the fallout of upset stomachs and welcoming the new crew on his own…


	9. A Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Just one question though, why did you change the last line of the song?”

“What’s wrong? You’re pouting...is this about you losing that game of sabacc to Lucky?” They’re sitting outside having found a small spot that shielded them from the torrential rains of their home planet, it was a shame it was always like this. 

Would it kill the planet to go one day without a downpour? It was damp and cold...they were better off inside but sometimes the need for fresh air overrode comfort. Even if it left them feeling a bit numb.

“He was cheating, I know he was! I had him right where I wanted him too! Must have had cards hidden up his sleeve or in his boot...or something. And I’m not pouting!”

The pout is firmly in place, there’s no denying it’s there, Sunshine’s brow is furrowed, a frown in place, yep that was definitely the pout and he couldn’t defend himself to another accusation. Feeling a nudge against his shoulder Joy leans against him with a smile, a suspicious smile, what wicked evil thoughts were going through his head right now?

“I know what’ll make you smile, I could sing you the song~”

“Ah, Joy c’mon not the song.” He lets out a strange noise, a mix between a groan and laugh tries to suppress as Sunshine turns away so he couldn’t see those pleading eyes.

“But you loooove the song.” Getting a shake from Joy he feels warm hands grip his cheeks forcing their gazes to meet. “You love the song, I know you do. Don’t deny you love it Sun’ika.”

Ugh, he really did love that stupid song.

“You’re a dork, you know that right? Or maybe you’re a weirdo.” He laughs as Joy seems to cackle in victory.

“Yooou are my SUNSHINE!”

“J-Joy!”

“My only sunshine! You make me happy when skies are grey.”

“The sky is always grey on Kamino, Joy.”

Joy playfully swats him on the chest, a small warning for interrupting the song so Sunshine just bite down on his lip doing his best to try not to smile or laugh, he’s failing horribly at both.

“You never know dear, how much...I love you. So please don’t take my sunshine away.” Joy’s hands slip away as he reaches down taking Sunshine’s hand and interlocking their fingers together. “The other night dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms. When I awoke dear, I was mistaken so I hung my head and cried.”

“Dark.” Sunshine manages to add quickly he snickers at the warning look, it shouldn’t be this fun to push someone’s buttons really but then again Joy’s reactions were always so priceless.

It’s a wonder though, they share the same voice just as every clone did and yet Joy could sing effortlessly. It came naturally to him yet for Sunshine it founded like shrilled shrieking of a loth-cat getting a bath. 

“You are my sunshine my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away...oh please don’t take my sunshine away.”

As Joy finishes Sunshine leans forward bringing their foreheads together and he lets out a long overdramatic sigh. “Alright, you did it, you have officially made me happy. Satisfied?”

“Oh yeah, my mission has been a complete success.” Joy’s arms now wrapped around his neck, he’s so close now, Sunshine doesn't feel all that numb anymore. 

___

“You should sing more often sarge.”

Sten wheels around from the caff dispenser to find Hawke standing there behind him, the kid was so silent may have to get a bell for him. 

“Dunno what you’re talkin bout, I don’t sing. Shouldn’t you be asleep right now?”

“I’m blind, not deaf, sir. I hear you, you mutter it to yourself or you hum it. Constantly, you’ve even got some of the others doing it too.”

Rubbing his face tiredly, Sten gives a shrug that goes unseen as he fills a cup up and carefully placing it in Hawke’s hands. “Oh yeah and have Howler badger me about my awful singing skills? I’ll pass on that. Look enjoy your drink and get on back to your bunk Hawke, we’ve got work to do in the morning.” Sten says as he gently pats the younger on his shoulder and starts to head out.

“Just one question though, why did you change the last line of the song?”

“I what?”

“The last line, it's supposed to be ‘please don’t take my sunshine away’ like the lines before it. You sang ‘please don’t take my joy away’ why change it?”

Growing still Sten’s eyes are drawn downward, he flexes his left hand feeling the knuckles crack. 

It’s still not all there.

Feeling. There’s a numbness to it.

“Think of it aaaaaas artistic freedom! Yeah, that’s it. Artistic freedom, now seriously I’m getting on back to bed now. I have a whole pile of reports that need ignoring tomorrow! G’night Hawke!” 

He smiles, Sten knows the other can’t see it but he forces himself to smile and he returns back to his room. Slipping back inside he heads right for his desk accessing his computer, it was going to be another long night.

He’d make sure...no one gets taken away. 

Not ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more context about Sten and Joy's history check out my oneshot Sunshine and Joy!


	10. Some Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mouse stood at the door in concern as he watched Howler thunking his head repeatedly against the wall wearing his bucket, wasn’t the strangest thing Mouse has ever seen Howler do but it was still a red flag in his book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Here's a happy chapter instead of heart wretching angst!

Arriving in the medbay Howler’s face was flushed as he sat himself down in a chair beside Blitz’s desk and looked at him seriously. He was here on a mission...sort of.

-I need advice.- 

He signed, refusing to use the comm for a conversation like this it would only make him feel a hundred times worst asking these questions in that stupid kiddy voice. Seeing he peaked the medic’s interest right away, Blitz turned in his seat fully facing him now, giving him a look over. 

“This isn’t about another sprained wrist, is it? I’ve already given that speech.”

As all the blood rushed to his face, Howler stomped on the floor shaking his head furiously, honestly?! How was he so blunt about that kind of shit, was it a medical thing?! These habits better not rub off on Mouse, there’s no way he’d be able to deal with that.

-Has to do with emotions.-

“Emotions?”

-Feelings.-

“Feelings?-

Eyes rolling, he slapped his hand on the desk as a warning for Blitz to stop repeating him. Was there a fucking echo in here?! He didn’t need all his words parroted back at him! 

“Okay, okay I’m sorry, I’ll stop now. So you’re having emotions and feelings of what kind? Anger? Frustration? Depression?”

Shaking his head again Howler dragged his hands down his face, he didn’t want to admit it aloud...or admit it in sign but if this kept up he might just go insane. -Feelings and emotions of attraction.-

“Oooooh! Howler now there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, you’re at that age, I guess?”

-I’m not a freaking teenager!!!- He signed furiously and well that was the truth, he wasn’t a teenager and at the same time, he wasn’t exactly a man? Stopping himself from diving too deep into the thought of his accelerated aging he gestured to Blitz waiting for some kind of sagely wisdom or advice from him. When all he received was a blank stare and a shrug Howler almost fell over exasperated. 

“Look Howl you’re barking up the wrong tree here. I haven’t had any glorious romances in my life. The only advice I can offer is, try to communicate with them and see if they reciprocate those feelings.”

THAT’S IT?!

“Though this does lead to another discussion, I am quite aware how teaching on Kamino goes and the lack of sex education they have for us, which is why I’ve been making a lesson plan. I even made charts to help with visualization!” Blitz said as he started digging around in one of his desk drawers searching for them. 

“So how about you stay seated and I can get to teaching you-Howl?” Turning around to find Howler was gone Blitz wondered if he did more damage than good.

___

“...Howl’ika? Is something wrong? Are you okay?”

Walking into his shared room, Mouse stood at the door in concern as he watched Howler thunking his head repeatedly against the wall wearing his bucket, wasn’t the strangest thing Mouse has ever seen Howler do but it was still a red flag in his book.

-NO. I am NOT okay! Blitz tried having some weird sex talk with me!-

Watching his sign with overdramatic gestures Mouse’s eyes lit up. “OH! Did he show you the charts? I helped him make them!” His answer came when Howler chucked his helmet down on the floor glaring at him, his face flushed as he sat down in his bunk covering his face.

“Howl?...Why are you upset? It can’t just be because of the charts or Blitz wanting to talk to you about health concerns. You know I’m here for you, right?” Taking a seat beside him on the bunk Mouse waited patiently until Howler was comfortable. 

-I think I have feelings for someone.-

“Oh! That’s not so bad, congrats!...It’s not me or Hawke is it?”

There was no describing the look of utter shock and disgust on Howler’s face and for a second Mouse felt a bit insulted though it quickly went it away because Howler seemed genuinely distressed over this. Thinking it over it finally clicked into place and Mouse placed his hand on the younger man’s back. 

“It’s Vic, isn’t it?...There’s nothing wrong with that, why are you worried?”

-Cause if I tell him, he might reject me and our whole friendship is fucked!-

“I wouldn’t say fucked but it might be a little strained, you never know he might like you too. Can I give you my honest opinion?”

After a pause Howler slowly nodded his head as he pulled his pillow to his chest.

“I think...maybe it is okay to have those fears but to let them hold you back isn’t good. I always had fears, they overwhelmed me and I think they’re what kept me from having close bonds with my batch mates and those I served with in the 501st. Our lives are short and we may never know what tomorrow brings so before you make a final decision just think about it okay?”

Looking at Mouse for a few seconds, Howler just leaned against him heavily before he gave another small nod, he was right. He hated it when people were right but there was no getting mad at Mouse. Getting his attention so Mouse could look at him sign he also mouthed the words out with his lips.

“Love you vod.”

Smiling gently, Mouse wrapped his arms around him pressing an affectionate kiss to his forehead, giggling when he felt the other try to squirm away.

“I love you too, vod’ika!”


	11. Not Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're not mine. They don't belong to me. I don't want them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some dark thoughts which include self-harm and body horror. If you're uncomfortable with these subjects please do not continue reading this chapter.

**_These aren’t mine._ **

**_Take them off…take them off…I don’t want them._ **

**_TAKE THEM OFF I DON’T WANT THEM! TAKE THEM OFF!_ **

**_Why are they here?!!! What have you done to me?!_ **

**_Why?! Why, why, why?!_ **

##  **_Whywhywhywhywhy **whywhywhywhywhy **whywhywhywhywhy **whywhywhywhywhy **whywhywhywhywhy **whywhywhywhywhy **whywhywhywhywhy?!************_ **

**************_Why didn’t they let him DIE?! They should have let him die?!_ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************_How could they do this?! How could they just...this wasn’t right! This was sick, it was SICK!_ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************_This isn’t how it’s supposed to be! I’m not supposed to be like this! I can’t take! I give, I give, I don’t want these! I don’t want them! I can’t have these, I don’t want them, they need to come off! They need to come off!_ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************_I need to, I need to cut them off, I can’t have these, I can’t have these on me, they don’t belong to me!_ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************_Who did they belong to? Who was this?_ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************_WHO ARE YOU?!_ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

##  **************_**************_WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOU ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _WHOAREYOUWHOAREYOU?!?!_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_I need to take them off, this isn’t right! I don’t want them!_ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_Cut, cut and hack, and keep going until they’re gone!_ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_They’re numb, I can feel them but it’s so numb!_ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_I don’t want to feel like this! I can’t!_ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_NO! NO DON’T STOP ME! STAY AWAY FROM ME! I NEED THEM OFF!_ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_GET AWAY FROM ME! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!_ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

##  **************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_**************_GO AWAY!_ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Gasping loudly, he spun around throwing his arm out in defense when he felt someone touching him, it took several seconds to realize where he was. This was his office...his Office on The Speck and the person who woke him...

“O-oh! Hawke, forgive me, I must have dozed off! I’m sorry, I didn’t hit you did I?” He asked with concern, standing up to check on the younger man who just shook his head.

“I’m fine doc, I’m worried about you though...I heard you screaming from the hallway so I cam to check in on you. Are you alright?”

His entire back was drenched in sweat, his heart hasn’t calmed down yet and the room was slightly spinning, difficulty breathing too. 

Panic attack.

“I’m fine.”

It took a lot of willpower to keep his voice from wavering but he somehow did it, well he was a trained field medic he knew how to fake calm.

“Blitz are you sure...would you like me to call Sten over?”

“NO!...No, that’s not...I’m alright Hawke I just had a nightmare is all. We...we all suffer those frome time to time don’t we?” Smiling weakly he made an attempt of standing but he couldn’t he just couldn’t.

His legs were numb.

**_THESE AREN’T YOUR LEGS_ **

Swallowing the lump in his throat he took a deep breath trying to recompose himself. “I think I’m going to go rest now Hawke, can you please excuse me?”

Watching as Hawke hesitently nodded, Blitz waited until he was gone and the door was propely shut as a sob finally clawed its was from his throat.

**_YOU’RE A MONSTER_ **

“N-no...” Covering his face with his trembling hands he struggled to take breathe but it felt like nothing was coming into his lungs.

**_YOU’RE A MEDIC AND YOU TOOK SOMEONE’S LEGS_ **

“I-I didn’t want them, I didn’t want them...” He whimpered as he slowly raised his head looking at the medical tools that surrounded him. Tools that could easily cut through flesh...

**_If you truly felt awful...why not give them back?_ **

Forcing himself to stand up he took trembling steps over to the cabinent the surgical tools were kept, his fingers gliding over the glass ready to open when arms engulfed him from behind causing him to go rigid.

“Blitz? You know...it’s okay to let others take care of you too.” He heard Hawke whisper against his back and it made him feel so...he didn’t know how it made him feel. Turning around he returned the hug and broke into a fit of tears as the legs that supported him started to buckle causing them both to sink to the floor. 

_These legs aren’t mine._

_I took them from someone._

_Attached to my body against my will._

_I don’t know what to do..._

_They’re not mine they’re not mine and I have no idea who they had belonged to._

_I’m too scared to find out._


	12. Catch-22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That’s some catch-22 you’re stuck in.”
> 
> “I’m afraid I don’t understand that term, sir...what does it mean?”
> 
> “Means, means you’re in a shitty situation you can’t get out of.”

_From this day on you will be a good soldier._

 

“I will be a good soldier.”

 

_Good soldiers follow orders._

 

“Good soldiers follow orders...”

 

_Am I making myself clear, CT-4121?_

 

“...Yes…”

 

He is CT-4121 and he is a good soldier. He will be a good soldier that is what he’s told by the doctors who speak to him when he first wakes up in the white room. It’s cold his nostrils burn from the smell within and he stares at everything but nothing at the same time. There is no recollection of a time before the white room, there are no memories, no experiences. There’s his training, his purpose, his orders and nothing more.

 When he leaves the white room he’s put through a series of physical and mental tests to evaluate his condition. To see if he was fit to be placed somewhere if he could be of use to the Republic again. Apparently, before he wasn’t. He had become insufficient and so he was fixed. Fixed to be better than before.

 What had he done wrong before?

 There are questions in his mind but he doesn’t ask them, what they’re perceived as wrong? He doesn’t wish to be wrong again, he doesn’t wish to be fixed again because he doesn’t feel broken now. He doesn’t feel much of anything now. CT-4121 encounters fellow clones at times, they often look at him strangely as though they might be afraid of him. Communicating with them is difficult, they seem uncomfortable when he speaks to them.

 

 “You sound like a droid.”

 

He doesn’t quite understand that. He’s not a droid, he is flesh and blood, warm to the touch. He eats and sleeps things droid are not capable of doing and yet he’s often compared to them it makes his chest constrict in a strange way. There is no mention of this to the doctors, if it’s a problem he will deal with it on his own.

 The tests finish and he is deemed able to continue serving the GAR but not return to the frontlines. That’s where he was before? The frontlines? Was he hurt there? Is that why he became insufficient? The questions return but he doesn’t voice them, he listens and obeys to the orders he given for his new assignment. He will be sent to a relay station far away in the outer rim. There he shall work and stay until he is given new orders, he has no idea for how long he will reside there but there are no objections.

 It’s called The Speck, a joke name as the other troopers call it, the station is tiny at most there are 30 troopers residing on it, CT-4121 counts 35 but he thinks nothing of the others, he does as he’s told. He likes it here, he follows his schedule, he wakes up he eats, he works and goes to bed. The routine is comforting, he doesn’t have to think, he doesn’t have to ask questions. His interactions with his fellow clones are limited here as well, they stay away from him whisper to one another when he passes by.

 

“He’s blank y’know.”

 

Blank.

 

It’s a term used to refer to clones such as himself, those who have been fixed, made right again yet have nothing left in their minds because they had been wiped clean. Left with nothing. He doesn’t like the term, he doesn’t like it that a few men start calling him by it as though it were his name. He didn’t have a name and if he ever were to acquire one he didn’t wish to be known as Blank.

 When CT-4121 sleeps he rarely dreams, they’re disjointed images and sounds that make little sense. They could barely be called dreams...and one night as he lay in his bunk and falls into sleep for the first time he dreams of something, of someone.

 

_“Let’s meet on that shore…let’s make the promise.” It’s his voice or at least it could be perceived as his voice. It’s different, there’s desperation in it. Emotion something he is lacking._

 

_“The hell you talking about Dun-”_

 

_There’s a man, a clone, his voice is far away, his face distorted he wants to get closer to him. He wants to reach out to him, touch him, be beside him._

 

_This is someone important._

 

_Someone important to him?_

 

_“...oss...I…don’t have...time.” The voices are so much farther away now. He’s fading away, vanishing before his eyes. “I...I need to tell you...I…lo..ve..yo-”_

 He opens his eyes the dream is gone, his mind is empty but there’s a sensation in his throat, it tingles and it’s almost like he’s choking but he can still breathe. CT-4121 breaks his first rule by leaving the barracks that night and taking a walk around the empty halls of the station.

 It seemed lonely at night and other wordly with the light dimmed down low. He walks silently unsure where to go or what to do when he comes across the cafeteria and see light coming from within. Pushing the doors open he finds a single clone occupying a table hunched over unmoving.

 Curiosity gets the best of him and CT-4121 approaches him about to touch his shoulder when the man’s head snaps up. He doesn’t flinch he lowers his hand watching in new found interest discovering it was his sergeant. There was an empty bottle of something besides him and if that wasn’t enough to indicate his current state his red face was. 

 “Forgive me, sir, I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

 “Nah, naaah it’s okay just needed some time to unwind...uh...shit you’re one of the new guys.” He flails his hand snapping his fingers a few times looking rather silly, struggling to recall something. “Shit, I’m sorry, what’s your name?”

 “I’m CT-4121, sir.”

 His sergeant makes a strange noise using his tongue, shaking his head at him in disapproval. “No, no, we don’t do numbers here, we do names. My name is Sten. What’s your name?”

 “I…I’m afraid I don’t have one sir, some of the men have been calling me Blank.”

 “Whaaat? That’s kinda a shitty name, take a seat we gotta sort this out!”

 CT-4121 stares at the chair across from Sten awkwardly before slowly sitting down in it. They stare at one another in silence, he feels like he is being studied like he had been by the doctors when Sten hums suddenly a somber look falling over his face.

 “Oh man, you’re...you’re the one. The reconditioned one, yeah they sent me your file. They wiped you out, brainwashed you back on Kamino and sent you all the way out here. That’s some catch-22 you’re stuck in.”

 “I’m afraid I don’t understand that term, sir...what does it mean?”

 “Means, means you’re in a shitty situation you can’t get out of.”

 Was his situation shitty? He never thought it to be, it’s simply how things were and how he accepted them to be.

 "So! Tell me, tell me, tell me, what do you want out of life? Is there something you wanna do with yourself?”

 "To be a good soldier.” He responds immediately but Sten doesn’t seem all that satisfied with the answer. He makes that strange noise again raises his index finger and shakes it at him.

 “No, that is what they programmed you to say. Don’t think with your brain for a second, think with your feelings. Is there something you want to do with your life?”

 It’s a struggle to understand the question and even more so to come up with any sort of answer. What did he want in life? Clones were not supposed to have wants and desires and yet he found himself feeling the exact opposite. He desired a name, he desired some kind of purpose and something else he didn’t quite understand.

 There’s an aching in his head, a migraine forms from his overthinking but for a fleeting moment, there’s a voice whispering in his head. It doesn’t belong to him, this isn’t his voice.

 

“ _You gonna protect me from everyone who wants to kill me?”_

 

It’s gone as quickly as it came, the words are slipping from his mind rapidly as though they’re being erased and he tries to hold onto them.

 “Yes.” He breathes out softly as he looks up at Sten. “I want to protect...I want to protect someone. I want to protect…but I....I don’t know how.”

 When Sten’s hands slam down on the table this time he reacts, startled by the sudden movement but his sergeant is smiling brightly as if he been given fantastic news of some kind. “That’s a step in the right direction! Oh I know, I know exactly how I can help you with that! You wanna protect people, you can protect us, it’s a start, right? You can totally be head of security here!”

 “Head of security? Are you sure that’s wise? Isn’t there anyone more suitable?”

 “Pfft, nope! We don’t have one, never really needed one but hey thought we didn’t need a medic either but that didn’t turn out well for us! So why not? You could be like a shepherd to our little dysfunctional flock! Chase away some space wolves well except for the good looking one, woof...” Sten says with a strange look in his eyes before his focus is back on him.

 “Hey, that’s a good name for you!”

 “...Woof, sir?”

 “Noooo! Shephard! Has a nice ring to it! Shepard Head of Speck Security! Sounds perfect for you! I know it does, trust me I’m amazing at names!”

He stares at him with a mixture of confusion and shock for a few seconds.

Shepard...that’s his name? Head of security?

 Thinking it over a little longer a tiny smile appears on his face as he pushes himself up to stand tall. This is a purpose, this is a name something he could excel in.

 He could be a very good soldier.

 “CT-4121, Shepard is ready for his duties sir!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank the ever so lovely batdad for putting up with me gushing about clones and helping me come up with my new boy's backstory!


	13. Operation Toothache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But-captain you can’t be serious…can’t we just wait until he resurfaces or just dies from a mouth infection? Or better yet have Marks do it, he’s smaller than both of us.”
> 
> “The hell?! I’m lean, not small!”
> 
> “Yeah and I’m a natural redhead.”

“Shep, I have a mission for you and your men. It’s of the utmost importance. ” Sten announced as he sat at his desk with Blitz beside him, his eyes rolling into his head as usual. Standing at attention Shepard’s face was a pure example of professionalism and seriousness when the mood was shattered when Blitz interrupted.

“Sten stop it, this isn’t a mission. Look Howler cracked one of his wisdom teeth somehow. And before I was able to knock him out so I could perform surgery he escaped into the vents.”

“Which is where you come in,” Sten interjects as he stood up smiling as walked around and placed a hand on Shepard’s shoulder. “So I thought you and your guys would be up for the job, what do you say? Think you can do it?”

With a salute Shepard was determined to succeed in. Since becoming guard captain of The Speck he knew he couldn’t protect the station all on his own so he had sought out others to help him. So far his team comprised of two other members. Marks, a former pilot of the 187th and Brig who had once been apart of the 327th, he had taken an interest in these soldiers for particular reasons, both seemed to be outcasts in their own ways. Not similar in the way he was or the group Sargeant Sten was currently trying to keep safe. They were simply different and Shepard has come to learn that different in the GAR was something special.

After gathering his men Shepard removed a grate from one of the vents shining his light into the dark narrow depths. “Blitzen says Howler escaped into the venting system but it’s very clear this is his territory. No one knows it better than him.”

“Alright so why not send one of the others? Like that Vic guy or Mouse? Wouldn’t they be better choices in this...mission, captain?” Brig did not sound all that enthused about this though he seemed that way about a number of things. Looking to Marks, Shepard could see he wasn’t that excited either though it was most likely his discomfort with small spaces.

“I had considered that and it would make more logical sense but it wouldn’t work. Mouse is deaf, he can maneuver his way through the vents but he could easily miss Howler from his lack of hearing. It would also be difficult for him to try and detect vibrations due to the sheer size of the system.”

Mouse had a better understanding of the vents but there would also be issues in communicating with him from within. So he was out as an option. Then there was Vic, who has all his senses and some knowledge of the system layout but is easily influenced by Howler. The likelihood of him being convinced into joining Howler’s cause would be too great so he was crossed out as well. They most certainly couldn’t ask Hawke who was blind which was a shame, he seemed to have some power over Howler which left the team on their own.

“Alright, Brig I’m sending you in.”

“What.” 

There was an annoyed edge to Brig’s voice, if it were not for the helmet on his head Shepard was sure he’d see a scowl on his face. Gesturing to the vent he gave a nod, “You’re the most logical choice, you have the fastest reflexes of the three of us. If there’s a chance of grabbing him you’d be able to do it.”

“But-captain you can’t be serious…can’t we just wait until he resurfaces or just dies from a mouth infection? Or better yet have Marks do it, he’s smaller than both of us.”

“The hell?! I’m lean, not small!”

“Yeah and I’m a natural redhead.”

Watching the two bicker back a forth, Shepard was unsure how to settle this before he cleared his throat. “Should I ask Sargeant Sten for the best friend bracelets? I hear you two wore them quite well during the first inspection.”

**____________________________________**

“I cannot fucking believe I’m doing this…” Inching his way through a vent, Brig strained his ears hoping to hear any sound that Howler could be making. Oh yes there was much pride in serving the Grand Army of the Republic. Dragging himself through cramped small spaces in his blacks because some idiot was too scared to get his tooth pulled out. Yup, this was the height of military service.

“How are you doing Brig?”

Holding in the choice curse words he would like to express right now he struggled to press the talk button on his communicator. “Well captain, I’m doing...not so great. How are things on the ground? Anyone hear anything?”

“Nothing yet, Marks and I are heading to locations Howler has been known to hide out in. We were given helpful tips from Mouse and Hawke. Also a warning from the sergeant, Howler tends to bite.”

He had to be kidding?

...No, no Shepard was not one to kid and once again Brig wondered if he made the right decision in taking up this position in the first place.

“Don’t forget he fights dirty, sir.” Marks voice piped up on the line.

“Ah right, thank you Marks. Brig he fights dirty.”

All the small Gods in the galaxy help him. “Meaning what exactly?”

“He’ll totally kick you in the balls, over and out.” Marks sounded a little too cheery for Brig’s taste and he’d have to look into that later on. Maybe a kick of his own.

Continuing his search his entire body was turning into an ache. His back was killing him, his knees were starting to go numb and he felt all he’s done is go in circles ever since entering this portal to hell. Crawling around a corner he could faintly hear voices up ahead of him, Brig soon found himself peering down into the mess hall through a grate. Did Howler spy on people? What was he thinking, of course, he did. He was one of the most well-informed people on this station and it was no wonder. Little weirdo hid out in places like this so he could pick up information for blackmail he could bet his life on it.

“ **Peek-a-boo~** ”

A chirpy robotic voice echoed from above him sent chills down Brig’s neck as he quickly looked up to see Howler smiling down at him creepily a strange glint in his eyes. Before Brig even had time to scream the heel of Howler’s foot smashed into his nose the force strong enough to send him through the grate. Crashing on top of a table, Brig lay in a heap dazed as to what the hell just happened as others gathered around to stare at him in shock.

He was regretting this job more by the second.

“The good news is your nose isn’t broken.”

“Ow!” Crying out when Blitz dropped an ice pack on his face the guard muttered something under his breath when Shepard and Marks joined him in the medbay. “There is something seriously wrong with that guy! I didn’t hear him at all and he smiled when he did this! He actually smiled! Like he was taking some sick pleasure in it!”

“I dunno Brig, kinda a good look for you, we can kinda match now.” Marks laughed but quickly hid behind Shepard when the other threatened to throw his helmet at him.

Blitz shrugged half-heartedly clearly not all that fazed by what happened. “He was taught by one of the best, Commander Wolffe apparently had hopes of Howl reaching ARC Trooper level, who knows maybe he learned some things before his injury.”

This wasn’t good, Howler was more of crafty then expected. They truly needed to think of a way of getting him out or capturing him. “We need to know his weaknesses, Blitzen are you aware of anything that could help us,” Shepard asked the medic who gave another shrug as he fell into his seat.

“Weaknesses...his love for chocolate? He’s impatient though he’s proving resilient in waiting us all out. He’s stubborn beyond belief. I don’t know what else I can offer you three. Howler can be a problem at times but he does care for others. He could have easily broken your nose back there Brig.”

“Yeah, I feel like he cared so much.” Brig mumbled as he tipped his head back so he could adjust the ice pack onto his face.

“Captain...if I can make a suggestion?” Surprised to hear Marks speak up, Shepard turned his full attention to him. Marks wasn’t the type to step in and contribute to plans, he was the kind of soldier who enjoyed to simply follow orders and not come up with his own. “I...think I might have an idea and involves me going into the vents…”

“Marks as your medical caretaker I would have to advise against that,” Blitz said, a small frown on his face and a look of worry clear in his eyes.

“I’ll be fine.” Marks quickly replied trying his best to look casual but Shepard could see the tension in his shoulders. “I think my plan will work well and it has to be me, please sir I know I can do this.”

Shepard wanted to protest saying it was fine, he could go and search for Howler it would be no issue but there is something in Marks’ voice. Confidence, determination, he wants to do this and what kind of captain would he be to deny one his men a chance to grow. He wanted to be able to grow as well.

“Alright, we’ll try your plan Marks, now tell us what to do.”

**____________________________________**

“Wow...it’s really dark in here.” Marks muttered as he shined his flashlight ahead of him, he felt like something was going to crawl out of the shadows and get him.

“Hey try not to get kicked in the face or balls...but if you do I’m sure Blitz will fix you up nice and good.”

Nice to know Brig held grudges...not sure why it was aimed at him and not Howler though. Squinting at the map of the system he slowly started making his way through the vents. How was Howler able to see in this? Had he really memorized all of this? The Speck was small compared to other stations but still large enough to house up to hundred crew members if needed.

“Howler! It’s time to come on out, you can’t keep doing this, it’s for your own good!” His voice echoed off the metal walls hopefully reaching wherever Howler was hiding. “You’re worrying everyone! Mouse, Hawke, Vic, you need to be mature right now. You have to act like a man. Be brave!”

Be brave. He can see the tremor in his fingers, it’s starting to happen he doesn’t have much time. Marks keeps going through the twist and turns of the vents ignoring how his breathing is quickening or the way his chest begins to tighten up and the tunnel vision he was now experiencing.

It was time to be brave.

Looking at the map again attempting to understand where he is Marks looked ahead when he hears a thud ahead of him and Howler is there looking at him with a smirk on and...Marks can almost swear his eyes are shining. “Howler, c’mon enough is enough it’s time to come out and face the music.” He’s signing something at him but Marks doesn’t understand him until Howler begins to type into his comm.

**“Heck no, I’m not going out there!** ”

“You’re being ridiculous...you’re a soldier, how can you be scared of a little dental procedure?”

Howler is scowling now bring his hands to the walls causing them to rattle creating a banging noise all around them. Somehow he is able to hold in the scream of terror that had been building up inside his chest for the last 15 minutes.

**“Last time I had a little procedure I lost my voice for good!”**

“I, I thought it was a blaster shot? That’s how you lost your voice?”

**“It was, but also the procedure that followed. I could still talk, I still had it and then they put me under and when I woke up it was gone and I was declared broken! I like Blitz, he’s my vod but I can’t trust anyone with my body like that again!”**

“Howler I understand that you’re scared…”

He didn’t seem to like that last statement and Howler is hitting the walls again, this time Marks screams out in fear closing his eyes tightly as heaving breaths leave him erratically. For a moment Marks is no longer in the vents but trapped in a crushed cockpit, pieces of metal closing in on him, flames from the crash drawing in closer by the second. Jolted from the memory Howler is directly in front of him now, one of his hands resting on his own.

“I...I’m scared of tight places but I came in here to, to show you it’s okay to be scared but eventually we have to face our fears...What happened to you it wasn’t fair, not by a longshot. But you’re not broken...I don’t see you and the others that way. Neither does the sarge or captain! I mean look at what you’ve done here, you’re a deadly force in these vents, imagine that on a mission, you’d be unstoppable...So will you get the hell out of here with me? Before I puke?”

Howler nodded a gentle smile on his face, about to type something into his comm the both of them went stiff when the sound of metal groaning filled their ears and the floor beneath them gave way.

“Owowow...that hurt...Howler are you okay?!” Seeing that he had landed directly on top of Howler and that he wasn’t moving all that much Marks let out a shrill scream. “OH GODS! H-HOWLER?!” Giving him a rough shake, Marks face turned white when the only response he received was a slight twitch of his head before he hauled Howler onto his back and rushed for the medbay.

“BLITZ I KILLED HOWLER! I’M SORRY! I-I DIDN’T MEAN TO!” Watching as Blitz spat out the caff he had been drinking, Marks dumped Howler on the examining table hoping something could be done for him. “IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I-I’M SORRY!” He wailed covering his face with his hands wanting to curl up in a ball or launch himself into space. He was just trying to help he didn’t mean hurt him!

“Hm, good job Marks, oh he’s fine, just knocked out which makes this easier for me. I can pull his tooth now.” Injecting a painkiller into Howler’s neck, Blitz turned to Marks giving him a thumbs up. “Mission complete, you guys did great.”

Slumping over Marks slid to the floor resting his cheek against the soothing cold metal. Maybe joining the security team hadn’t been the best idea for him…

**____________________________________**

“Looks like it was a successful mission men. I’m proud of both of you.” Shepard told them with a small smile though he was slightly confused by their lack of happiness. They sat in the cafe now, Sten awarding them with some drinks from his not-so-secret booze stash. Marks was resting his head on the table looking drained while Brig seemed to still be annoyed.

He couldn’t remember completing missions in the past but he assumed there would be a more victorious sense to the group. Maybe he was supposed to say something else? Give a speech to raise morale? He wasn’t sure if he was capable of giving inspiring words but he’d try his best.

Clearing his throat, Shepard looked awkwardly down at his cup trying to find the correct words to say. “I want to say thank you. Both of you for your hard work today...I know it must be difficult to have to listen to me sometimes, because of how I am. How I don’t understand or how at times I have those episodes. I am grateful to have you two, that you joined my team.” Looking up nervously he forced himself to keep talking. “I still feel a disconnect when it comes to other clones, we’re all supposed to be brothers but I haven’t felt that way with anyone until you two started working with me. So...thank you again, from the bottom of my heart for being my teammates and my brothers.”

Waiting nervously for a response Shepard watched panic as Marks started to tear up while Brig downed his drink. “We...we fucking love you captain!” Brig shouted as he slammed it on the table and Marks nodded his head furiously.

“WE DO! YOU’RE THE BEST CAPTAIN EVER!”

“We’d follow you anywhere sir!”

“WE’D FIGHT THE JAWS OF DEATH FOR YOU!”

Eyes widening, Shepard looked at them stunned cheeks flushing as his heart stuttered strangely in his chest. “You both...you both mean that? I’m doing a good job?” He asked when the duo suddenly stood up and sat on either side of him both throwing an arm around him.

“Fuck yeah! You’re killing it sir, The Speck couldn’t ask for a better guard captain!”

“Y-YOU’RE AWESOME!”

Still a bit stunned, a real genuine smile broke out across Shepard’s face as he picked up his cup and drank all of it at once. It burned on the way down and he choked a few times but he can say for the first time since waking in that cold white room that he was happy with his new life...because he had people who loved him.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New boys, new boys everywhere!


	14. Splash Of Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Blitz, Blitz! Look, look what came!”
> 
> A large metal can slam down onto his table, Blitz’s face remained calm but his eyes screamed: “explain or die”.
> 
> Sten wasn’t exactly in the mood for dying so he grinned and gestured to the can. “It’s paint! Purple to be exact.”
> 
> “Yes, I’m painfully aware of the can of paint on my reports...why is there a can of paint on my reports?”
> 
> “Well, I was thinking,”
> 
> “Oh, no.”
> 
> “I was THINKING that our armor looks terribly boring!”

“Blitz, Blitz! Look, look what came!”

A large metal can slam down onto his table, Blitz’s face remained calm but his eyes screamed: “explain or die”.

Sten wasn’t exactly in the mood for dying so he grinned and gestured to the can. “It’s paint! Purple to be exact.”

“Yes, I’m painfully aware of the can of paint on my reports...why is there a can of paint on my reports?”

“Well, I was thinking,”

“Oh, no.”

“I was  **THINKING** that our armor looks terribly boring!”

Blitz looked down at himself, typical standard white clone trooper armor, the only difference his held was the medical symbol on his right shoulder. Yes, a bit boring but what did that matter?...Well, things like this tended to matter to Sten. With a shrug of his shoulders, Blitz wasn’t really all that interested but he’d humor his sergeant for now.

“So...where’d you get the paint?” One look at his face Blitz already knew the answer, the corners of his lips twitch upwards. “Oh I see, your boyfriend Steady came through for you again~”

“Wh-what?! H-he’s not my-we’re not!!! You know for someone who’s sick of hearing about drama you sure like to be a shit and antagonize more!”

Leaning back in his seat, Blitz just smiled some more, what could he possibly say? “You make it fairly easy to do so. You tend to turn a unique shade of red when you’re flustered.”

Sten pressed his lips into a thin line he gathered the can of paint into his arms and raised his nose to the air. “Well guess who just lost their paint rights for now! I’m going to take this somewhere it’ll be appreciated!” With that Sten was out the door leaving Blitz to just laugh and carry on with trying to get his work finished for the day.

_____

 

“I don’t see why you’re giving us a can sir, we’re not permanent members of the crew,” Vic said but him pointing that out clearly was not deterring Howler and Mouse from nearly ripping the top off the can while pieces of armor were scattered across the floor of their tiny bedroom.

“So?” Shrugging, Sten handed over some brushes knowing it would be a good time for the small group...and he went a little crazy in asking for four cans of paint. Steady had warned him it would be too much but still sent them nonetheless. “You boys have fun, I need to deliver a can to our security crew!”

Making grabby hands at the brushes, Howler dipped one into the paint and watched wide-eyed as the bright purple dripped off the end.

“Howl you don’t even wear armor, why are you painting?” Vic questioned but watched the other clone start painting on one of the helmets that clearly didn’t belong to him.

“I told him to design my own since I couldn’t myself,” Hawke explained from his spot on his bunk, giving a sad smile there wasn’t much he could do with being blind. It was a shame, he didn’t get a chance to properly design his 212th armor before his sight was taken from him.

“You don’t need to see to still enjoy it,” Maneuvering himself around the mess on the floor and the others, Vic takes ahold of Hawke’s arm helping him settle down to the floor pushing the can over till it’s front of him. “Dip your fingers in, that way you can make designs on it too.”

Ducking his head, Hawke smiled clearly touched by the offer but gently pushed the can away. “I’d make it look awful...wouldn’t look good at all.”

“I dunno Hawke, Howler has his vision and well...I honestly think you’d do better. What is that? A rat?”

Squinting at the purple blob-like animal Howler had been painting on the side of the helmet Vic couldn’t tell what the hell is was supposed to be. Leaning in as well, Mouse snapped his fingers before pointing at it. “IT’S A LOTH-CAT!”

“Howler hates loth-cats are you sure?”

Hitting the floor a few times with his hands, Howler made an x with his arms shaking his head vigorously. Picking up the helmet again he nearly shoved it into both Vic and Mouse’s face as if a closer look would clarify what the mystery animal was.

“...Y’know...kinda looks like General Fisto,” Vic mumbled, it seemed kinda fishy?

As Howler rolled his eyes he slammed the helmet down standing up so the two can see him signing out the name.

-WOLF-

“NO WAY! That looks nothing like a wolf!” Mouse shouted while Hawke chewed on his lower lip trying to keep in his laughter knowing Howler was about to have a fit because his art skills were being questioned.

“They look like this! Fluffier and y’know, cuter!” Painting a wolf on the other side of the helmet he showed it to Howler who made a face snatching it back and painted another wolf perhaps uglier than the last.

There was a brief argument, Vic and Howler going back and forth about the proper way of drawing wolves, soon Vic’s armor seemed to be covered in purples wolves varying in size and quality. He realized too late the mistake of using his own armor and groaned loudly knowing he wouldn’t be getting a new one anytime soon.

Mouse meanwhile was contently painting stars into his armor, various constellations he had gazed up and memorized during his time in the field. There had been many nights he’d stare up at the sky mapping them out.

Hawke had decided to take Vic’s advice and was carefully using his fingers to leave patterns on his armor, asking the others every so often if they were alright or if they needed to be re-traced with more paint. They were just lines but lines he had meticulously planned out himself and actually proud for accomplishing it.

It was peaceful and quite relaxing until a shout from the hallway shattered the mood causing the four to look in the direction of the door.

**“Bet two candies it’s Brig and Marks.”** Howler’s comm buzzed.

Wasn’t really much of a bet when they all knew for a fact it was probably them. Pushing himself onto his feet Vic looked out of the room seeing nothing amiss, taking a tentative step out he heard another shout from around the corner and as he grew closer he jumped when Brig darted past him. Looking behind him Vic wasn’t ready when something splattered across his face.

“Coward! O-oh uh, Vic! Sorry, that wasn’t meant for you!” Marks apologized quickly as Vic ran his hands down his face spreading the paint down to his cheeks making it much worse.

“It’s...it’s fine Mar-ACK!” Screaming out when he felt something hit the back of his head he snapped his head to see Brig snickering, a can tucked under one arm while his free hand had purple paint dripping off his fingers.

“Sorry, Vic thought I could get him over your shoulder, guess my aim if off.” Brig snickered with a shrug, he looked ready to book it down the hall again when he cried out as several handfuls of paint were lobbed at him from the tiny barracks.

Standing in the doorway smiling wide in the doorway was Mouse and Howler with purple covered hands now as well, Hawke in between the two holding the paint can.

“YOU HAVE DECLARED WAR UPON US! WE MUST AVENGE OUR FALLEN BROTHER!” Mouse roared out dipping a hand back into the bucket chucking a fistful of paint directly into his face.

Scrambling back to where Marks stood, Brig spat out some of the paint that had gotten into his mouth. As a barrage of paint started flying through the air, Vic was grabbed by Brig and forced to be used as a human shield.

“H-hey! Guys! The fuck, hey! I thought you were going to avenge me! Your fallen brother!”

“Sorry, Vi’ika! We will avenge you but right now you’re collateral!” Hawke called out laughing as he flung some paint forward able to get Marks on the shoulder.

Wiggling free of Brig’s grasp, Vic dunked his hands into the other paint can flinging as much of it as he could at the trio. He’d show them collateral!

As their shouting and screaming rose in pitch other clones wandered over discovering the ferocious battle that was taking place. The newcomer's takings sides as paint flew through the air along with playful cursing and banter. It was chaos in its purest form but no one seemed to care because it was also pure fun.

Blitz had been on a caff run when he came across Shepard alone in his barracks sitting on the floor purely concentrating on painting his armor. From what the medic could see it was just some lines running down his arm guards but it was something. Knocking gently on the wall to catch his attention he gestured to the empty room. “Where are your men?”

“Brig and Marks? Mhmm...well they had started to argue about what designs would look best. I had to go to the fresher and when I had come back they were both gone...so was the second can of paint.”

Freezing Blitz could already feel a headache begin to brew, “Second can of paint?”

“Yes, Sergeant Sten said we could use the second one just in case we needed it, he said he had an extra. That was very thoughtful of him, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. It was. I have to go, Shep you just...you’re doing great, stay here.”

It didn’t take long to find the paint war, Blitz stood back in horror at the sight of purple paint splattered everywhere. The walls, the floor, the ceiling it was everywhere. Everywhere.

Walking toward the group of soldiers who were oblivious of his presence he moved through them his expression calm but beneath it was a storm. Those who noticed him quickly stepped aside allowing him through where he found the usual suspects at the center of it all.

“Having fun?!” Raising his voice, Blitz caught the attention of the group all of them going stiff at the sight of Blitz. As he looked at each one of them he noticed Hawke wasn’t around.

He noticed too late when the remaining paint from the can had been thrown at him, Hawke in a fit of laughter as he dropped, he was nearly doubled over from it. “Got you Mouse!” He giggled as he pointed at Blitz but slowly started to calm when no one seemed to be laughing along with him.

“That’s uh, that was Blitz, Hawke.” Marks whispered into the blind clone’s ear as the hall grew deathly quiet.

“Ah, well...shit.”

_____

 

“And you’re all going to scrub every inch of this hall until it’s spotless. I don’t want to see a track of purple anywhere, do I make myself clear?”

“Yeeeees sir….” Responded a chorus of voices, tones ranging from annoyance to fear. Blitzen was second in command for a reason.

Overlooking the cluster of clones that were scrubbing the remains of the Great Paint War, Blitz started to leave when he gently nudged Brig and Marks with his boot. The duo struggling to clean due to being attached to one another with handcuffs.

“Have fun with the friendship bracelet boys, maybe you’ll learn to get along better after spending a night sharing a bunk.” Ignoring the sound of their groans the medic found himself in Sten’s office the sergeant leaning over his desk with his armor spread out across the surface.

Glancing up to see his second walk in, Sten just chuckled as he set his brush down and leaned against the edge of the table. “So...no one escaped punishment huh?”

“All except Shepard who dutifully did as he was told like a good soldier...so having troubles with a design?” The armor was still pure white not a single drop of paint had touched it yet. Surprising since Sten had been so excited about it only just this morning.

“Yeah, I’m at a total loss here...hey wanna help me out?”

Considering it Blitz looked at the paint for a moment before putting his hand in and brought smeared it onto Sten’s face making sure to get it all over and even in his hair.

“That’s for giving two cans of paint to Brig and Marks.”

Face scrunching up, Sten opened one eye and gave Blitz a sheepish grin.

“Yeah, I deserved that...sorry.”

Sighing, Blitz then wiped the rest the paint off on the front of Sten’s shirt. “Don’t worry, I forgive your stupidity...now let’s paint your armor before I get sick of the color purple.”

In the end, Sten goes with swirling designs that looked similar to waves, on the right side of his helmet was a sun and on the left were two words Blitz didn’t ask the meaning of.

Life & Joy

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually a lot of fun to write, the guys having an all-out paint war! It was thinking back on the water fights I used to have at camp the other day so this is where this came from! Hope everyone enjoys it!


	15. The Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His name was Yoss, a 212th trooper who came in with the latest rotation. He was rude, liked to run his mouth and worst of all follow Shepard around like he was his shadow for the past several weeks. Brig wasn’t sure how it started but Yoss suddenly had been accompanying the captain around everywhere.
> 
> He hated Yoss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sort of companion piece to batdad's [The Soldier in White](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13883274) Yoss belongs to her and I hope I've done him justice! Plus more insight on Shepard's past woohoo!

His name was Yoss, a 212th trooper who came in with the latest rotation. He was rude, liked to run his mouth and worst of all follow Shepard around like he was his shadow for the past several weeks. Brig wasn’t sure how it started but Yoss suddenly had been accompanying the captain around everywhere.

He hated Yoss.

He didn’t like him at all and neither did Marks which was saying something. That guy seemed to get chummy with everyone...well everyone excluding Brig but they were working on it. Perhaps them trying to get rid of Yoss would bring them closer together?

“Ugh...he’s sitting with the captain again…” Marks pointed out, nodding his head to the side.

Looking over at the table the security team usually occupied during meal time Brig could clearly see Yoss sitting right beside Shepard. Sitting awfully close talking to him as they ate. Trying not scowl Brig sighed heavily before he and Marks retrieved their own food and joined them at the table, being forced to sit across from the duo. Upon seeing them Yoss just gave this shit eating smirk that made if hard for Brig not to try and kick his shin from under the table. Shepard didn’t like fighting so he’d make an attempt to behave.

“Well look who it is, the rest of the team has finally caught up. What’s wrong guys have a hard time getting untucked from bed?”

Wow, clever.

Doing his best to ignore him, Brig simply began to poke at the weird gunk on his plate while Marks attempted conversation with Sheppard hoping Yoss would keep out of it but every so often Yoss was throwing his two cents which seemed to be veiled as some kind of insult.

“Oh, hey Shep shouldn’t you tell them the good news? They are your men after all?” Yoss said in a almost disturbingly cheerful voice.

Good news? What good news?

There was no such thing as good news.

Lies!

Smiling, Shepard’s eyes lit up with excitement as he looked at Brig and Marks, standing up he cleared his voice as he put a hand on Yoss’ shoulder. “I’ve asked Yoss to become a part of the security team. He’s going to be a permanent member of The Speck!”

“What?!”

“Woah, think that was perfect unison, you’ve got them trained well Shep.”

Ignoring him yet again Brig stood up along with Marks, plucking their captain from the table and dragging him out into the hall hoping talk sense into him. Yoss had done something, took advantage of Shepard’s kindness and naivety.

“C-Captain are you...you can’t be serious! Him? Him apart of the team! I don’t want to challenge you judgment sir…” Marks’ voice trailed off he seemed like he was already going to give in to this decision but Brig was not going to let this go without a fight.

“I, on the other hand, have to challenge it. Do you really think Yoss is a good fit for this team? He just seems like...he’s kinda...what’s the word I’m looking for? Crazy?! He thinks everyone wants to kill him, pft don’t flatter yourself, buddy, he ain’t worth the effort to kill.”

Yoss was beyond paranoid, everyone was out to get him, everyone wanted him dead for whatever reason. Like he was the only one being shot at, it grated on Brig’s nerves. The man constantly was complaining about the war as well, sure he wasn’t a fan either, it sucked having to be the cannon fodder but big talk like that could get a clone in trouble maybe that’s why he was here to begin with. Opened his mouth at the wrong time in front of the wrong clone.

Hoping any of this would get through to Shepard, the guard captain just frowned a little, Brig knew that frown. Looking between the two of them Shepard shook his head as he crossed his arms.

“I’m disappointed by the two of you. Each of us has our own issues we have to face. I expect the two of you to welcome Yoss warmly. Is that clear?”

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes and reply with a no Brig just nodded his head along with Marks who was clearly no longer going to fight this anymore.

Brig could not let this go.

“I know you’re just using him.” He had tracked Yoss down to the training room, he was lounging across one of the sparring mats, must have come down here to hide from his duties. It’s what Brig would do himself. “You’ve been complaining about the front lines from the moment you arrived here. You’re just using Shepard to get what you want.”

He watched Yoss carefully something flashed in his eyes, Brig couldn’t quite catch it but the clone slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position and tilted his head at him.

“Can’t a man like a fellow? What the instant someone has something the other wants friendship is over? Impossible? That’s a very cynical world view to take, trooper.”

“Hm, and you’re not a cynical man? You zeroed in on Shepard in the second you found out he was the guard captain. You knew he’d be able to allow you to stay here.”

Yoss just brushed his comment aside and stood up ready to leave the conversation at just that. Hands tightening into fists Brig was going to let him go, just drop it but, fuck how could he? How could he let this osik get his way? “He’ll see you for what you are soon enough. You know nothing about him.”

He was surprised when Yoss actually stopped, he didn’t turn around to face him but his entire body seemed to grow stiff.

“...And you do?”

There’s something cold in his voice. He wondered what Yoss’ face looked like right now and before he had a chance to ask what he meant by that he had left. What did he mean by that? A part of him wanted to push the conversation to continue but he knew better.

The answers to his questions came a few days later after he was given word a fight had been broken apart in the cafeteria. Marks had ended it thankfully this time he didn’t get his nose bent at a 90-degree angle for his troubles.

“Brig hey you need to bring Yoss to the infirmary, hopefully, his jaw isn’t broken.”

“Uhhh are you kidding me? He was in this fight?” Going into the cafeteria he sighed heavily upon finding Yoss passed out on the floor with a split lip and swollen cheek. Looked painful and Brig did feel a twinge of sympathy for his new teammate. Hauling him to his feet Brig was able to get Yoss to Blitz. It didn’t take long for Shepard to get word of this and the guard captain all but rushed through the doors of the medbay in utter panic.

The fight hadn’t been started by Yoss technically. The other clone, name was Lex, Lux whatever the hell it was had been bad mouthing the captain. Saying he didn’t have feelings and acted like a freak.

Well now...Brig was wishing it was that osik stain stuck here and not Yoss.

Wasn’t long before Yoss woke up and the captain was sitting right next to his bed his expression upset, he was clearly filled with guilt though none of this was his fault.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Shepard mumbled softly trying his best to scold him.

“Done what? Get hit?” Yoss’s sounded drunk almost his words slurring a bit.

“Defended me like that. I know I’m odd. I,” Wasn’t his fault he was odd and to Brig, Shapard wasn’t odd, he was fine just the way he was. 

“Yeah, well fuck that. And fuck you for saying it. Little osik stain will have earned whatever’s coming to him.”

Shepard doesn’t say anything back but simply placed a hand over Yoss’ still looking upset but there is a smile there and a gentleness Brig had never seen before.

It’s like a lightbulb is turned on and suddenly everything makes so much painful sense Brig does his best to outwardly react. Yoss knew Shepard from before. Before the reconditioning before he was ever Shepard. 

Did Shepard know?

No, he would have said something. So that meant Yoss hadn’t told him yet. Shit this had just become much deeper and potentially emotional. He wasn’t about that emotional crap but still...he had so many questions. 

What kind of person was Shepard before? 

What was his name? Were you two close? 

Why was he sent for reconditioning what had he done?

He wanted to know so badly but he stood there silent before he left for the guard barracks where Marks was probably waiting. It wasn’t his place to ask questions like that, he wasn’t going to overstep any lines here.

Brig didn’t hate Yoss...he doubted they’d become best friends anytime soon but maybe it wasn’t so bad that Shepard had shadow trailing him around.

Especially if Yoss can keep making Shepard smile like that.

  
  



	16. Quartet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who do I have to punch?!”
> 
> “You’re being a little ridiculous now...it’s fine, seriously.” Pressing the icepack Blitz had given him to his eye Vic watched Howler begin to pace back and forth in the tiny space that was their barracks. “Mouse tell Howl he’s being ridiculous, please.”
> 
> “Who do I have to punch?” Mouse responded his voice booming loud and clear as usual.

**“Who do I have to punch?!”**

“You’re being a little ridiculous now...it’s fine, seriously.” Pressing the icepack Blitz had given him to his eye Vic watched Howler begin to pace back and forth in the tiny space that was their barracks. “Mouse tell Howl he’s being ridiculous, please.”

“Who do I have to punch?” Mouse responded his voice booming loud and clear as usual. The act of trying to roll his eyes made him wince in pain so Vic sank further into his bed not understanding what the big deal was.

“Why are you all getting so defensive? It was a fight, fights happen here all the time! Always. Howl gets into one on a daily basis but you’re not threatening to beat up those guys.” He argued unable to begin naming the countless troopers Howler had gotten into fights with. 

They had all given up in trying to prevent them it was just a fact of life at this point so why were they all so wound up over him getting into a fight? Looking between the two of them he waited so his answer when he felt Hawke place a hand on his knee a small frown on his face.

“We know you only got into that fight because of us…”

“Th-that isn’t...I’m the one who started to fight okay? It had nothing to do with you guys! Mix was just being an annoying ass and well y’know he needed to learn a lesson is all. I’m a tough guy! I can beat people up!”

They weren’t buying, hell Vic himself wouldn’t buy it either so he went silent. It was rare to come across vode who had anything nasty to say about the trio. Last person who had done that was Bitters and well...that was a whole mess of problems. Mix was just being an ass for the hell of it, making fun of they way Mouse spoke too loud. Pretending to trip over his feet like Hawke did from time to time and even going so far to make noises similar to the ones Howl would make when he’d try to laugh. He was being a cruel piece of shit and Vic couldn’t just stand by and let it happen, no one else was doing anything.

He just didn’t expect him to hit back so hard...hard enough to give him a black eye and knock him out. Maybe he should spend more in the station’s training room.

“I don’t regret what I did guys, not for a second so there’s nothing to worry about understand? It’s over with! Shepard and Marks dragged him away and this will end.” Throwing his hands in the air he hoped to emphasize that but they all were still frowning looking guilty for whatever weird reason. Why did they feel guilty he couldn’t understand it. 

**“You shouldn’t have to fight our battles. Their ours!”** Howler typed out taking a seat next to Vic wanting him to understand their side of this too.  **“You were punched out, how can we be okay with that?!”**

Brow furrowing, Vic shook his head slamming the pack down onto his lap so he could look at him directly. “Why are they just your battles?! Am I just supposed to stand there and listen to someone trash the three of you? I thought we were all in this together, the four of us! You guys are the first people who gave a damn!” Voice raising he couldn’t help but get worked up over this stupid argument. “You’re the first person who...cared about me…” He muttered to Howler.

Unaware of the knowing look that crossed Hawke’s face the blind trooper reached grabbing Mouse’s arm to get his attention. “Hey uh, Mouse and I are going to go...get you more ice, be back!” Before Vic could protest about needing any more ice the two were gone leaving just him and Howler sitting on the bunk. 

Getting a tap on the shoulder he looked at Howler who was gestured to him with questioning eyes.

-What do you mean by that?-

“It’s...uh…” Scratching the back of his neck Vic shrugged a bit wishing they could just drop this conversation before it started. “I was never super close to anyone. Even back in the day. Even with my batch, we were all friends but after graduation, we were separated. Then I started with the guard and never exactly fit into place.” He explained gently remembering that year on Courossant, a very lonely and eye-opening year.

“I’ve always felt like a bit of an outsider. I never clicked with a group of vod I always did my own thing. Did I ever tell you I had two names before I came here?”

The look of surprise on Howler’s face was pretty great, a bit adorable too especially when he scooted over clearly wanting to know more. Guess he never talked about his past in enough detail before. 

“My first name was Zeros cause I have a lot of zeros in my designation number. It’s the name I went by all through cadet training.” Chuckling when Howler stuck his tongue out Vic nodded his head. “Yeah, was a pretty dumb name but it was better than a number or just being called hey you.”

Leaning back so he could be more comfortable he grunted slightly when Howler dropped down next to him. “My second name was Quake, cooler sounding but...it wasn’t for a cool reason. It was because I was so nervous on my first day in the guard I couldn’t stop shaking. Was literally quaking in my boots.” Howler snickered against his shoulder and he just shrugged again. “Yup, another lame name...whatever. So when the incident happened…”

-Incident where you attacked a senator.-

“I didn’t attack her-I lunged at her and...called her a long-necked bitch. Anyways you know the rest, I was sent to be destroyed ended up here and met you. “Here’s a question for you, why did you start calling me Vic? It was so random.”

Tilting his head it was Howler’s turn to shrug now but he must have known it wasn’t a satisfying answer. 

-Was the first thing to pop in my head. You look like a Vic.-

“So was the whole chocolate deal was your way of starting a conversation?”

-Yes, and I really wanted that chocolate.-

Vic couldn’t help but laugh and give Howler a small nudge, he smiled a little wider after hearing him laugh too. He’d wonder sometimes what Howler’s laugh was like before his accident, was it a loud laugh, did he snort or hiccup? Was it a laugh that came from his gut? He’d wonder about it a lot but in the end, it didn’t matter because the laugh he had now was just fine, it was perfect.

“Sometimes though I’m still surprised you invited me into the group. I mean you guys were a pretty solid trio, why bring a stranger in?”

-Because you seemed lonely and I didn’t want you to be.-

Vic’s heart suddenly stuttered in his chest and he couldn’t look away from Howler when their eyes met and then their lips. They kiss was brief, quick but warm too and wonderful. Pulling apart Vic could tell his face was bright red probably the same exact color as Howler’s. 

Was that okay? Did he like it? Howler had kissed back so it was okay, right?

“H-hey uh...y-you wanna kiss ag-ack!” Falling over when Howler grabbed his cheeks and pressed their lips together again. He should get beat up more often…

Standing outside with his ear pressed against the wall Hawke smirked holding up his hand to give a thumbs up to Mouse to signal the good news.

Their trio had truly become a quartet.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vic and Howler finally an item hooraaaaay! *throws confetti* And just realized how similar their dynamic with one another is like Sunshine and Joy's which hurts my heart a bit but in a happy way! Hope you all enjoy!


	17. Stylist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You two are...decent with hair correct?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys know it's been forever since I last updated kinda hit a writer's block and dealing with some real life stuff! Hope you enjoy this new chapter!

“You two are...decent with hair correct?”

It was an odd moment for all of them. Blitz speaking to Brig and Marks not yelling or chastising them for some trouble they were causing or have caused. The two guards turned in their seats giving one another hesitant looks before Brig confirmed with a nod.

“I have handled hair. Do you think Mouse learned to do complex braids for Hawke overnight?”

“I mix the colors for Brig’s hair dye, he sucks at getting the shade of red he wants on his own. Why the sudden interest?”

Blitz’s eyes rolled back slightly his hand raising to comb through his hair.

“Well, it was brought to my attention that my haircut is boring.”

“Kinda is.” Marks blurted out and was quick to bite on his lip and backtrack, “I mean it’s not awful! Not at all! You look good, you keep clean and well groomed! You’re a real knockout once you get past the whole...tired aspect of your expression. Kriff, wait no that didn’t sound good, wh-what I mean is you don’t seem like you get enough sleep an-and-”

Marks was put out of his misery when Brig kicked his knee under the table shutting him up. Blitz not looking insulted by the comments his face simply blank.

“This was a bad idea...” Turning to leave the medic was stopped when Brig jumped up and halting him with a hand to the chest.

“Look I am curious now. So you want to graduate from the standard style huh? I think I could come up with something for you.”

“Don’t leave me out! I can think of a few looks that’d be great on you!” Marks said happily as he butted Brig out of the way.

Staring at the two he sighed softly debating whether he was making the right choice here but honestly what did he have to lose, right? So Blitz was sat down in his medbay while Brig and Marks debated about they should do with his hair. 

Buzzer in hand Marks took a moment imagining new looks before snapping his fingers when inspiration struck.

“Okay imagine a mohawk!”

“Are you kidding me?”

“What no one here has one it’d make him stand out!”

Snatching the buzzer Brig rolled his eyes as the mental image popped into his head it was hideous there was no way they’d be doing that. Looking at Blitz who seemed increasingly uncomfortable by the minute he circled around to get a look at the back of his head. “Maybe we can do a design some kind, buzzcut? Or maybe...oh you ever see Commander Gree’s hair? That could look good on him.”

Gagging Marks shook his head grabbing back the buzzer and made an x with his arms showing his disgust with that idea. “Commander Gree?! Have you seen his head?! Ew! We’re not doing that!”

“What’s ew about it? I’ve seen a few guys using that style it works on them!”

“Actually...I think it’s a style to honor fallen comrades.” Blitz informed them as the two stopped bickering both feeling a little awkward now.

“It’s still super ugly if you ask me…”

“Marks!”

“You know I’m right! If someone wants to honor me do it with a mohawk!”

“We’re not doing a mohawk we’re doing something else!” Grabbing Mark’s wrist Brig attempted to pry the buzzer from his hand but the other wasn’t going to let it go without a struggle. As the two went back and forth arguing about what should be done Mark’s was able to free himself sending his arm backward and the buzzer right across the back of Blitz’s head.

Mouth opening in horror Marks had to slap his hand over his mouth to stop the horrified screech that wanted to escape his body.

“What was that?!” Blitz asked as he turned around in an attempt to see what was going on when Big grabbed his head and forced him to look straight ahead.

“Nothing! Nothing at all! Just the first step toward perfection!” He insisted and dragged Marks across the room ready to strangle him to death. “What did you do?!” Hissing under his breath as he glanced back at the giant bald spot that was now a part of Blitz’s head.

Still in shock Marks could only make helpless sounds debating if it would be best to just shoot himself out of the airlock rather than face the wrath they’d endure in just a short while. “He’s going to kill us...he’s going to kill us, he’s going to make our lives hell.” Marks blubbered, panic starting to rise when Brig grabbed him by the shoulders and gave him a shake.

“Listen we will figure it out. Somehow how we will figure it out. So you’re going to pull yourself together, smile and carry on like nothing happened, understand.”

Watching Marks nod meekly Brig released him and they went back to face their doom together. There was no way of saving this, whatever hairstyle they could come up with would look awful, there was only one option left for them to do…

Shave it all off. 

Taking the buzzer Brig performed the task, his hands steady, unlike Marks who still seemed to be in the middle of a panic attack.

When the deed was finally done there was a good pile of hair on the floor. Taking a step back the two looked Blitz over trying to figure out how to try and sell this for him. 

“Okay...here’s the new you…” Handing a mirror over to him Brig forced a smile onto his face, “Also it was all Marks fault and you should kill him.”

Letting out a shrill scream Marks punched Brig in the arm ready to start a fight but froze up when Blitz raised the mirror to examine himself. Both of them unable to breathe as they tried desperately to read his mind. What horrible tortures would they endure for doing this? Be starved? Forced to be handcuffed for a full weak? Clean the station freshers with their toothbrushes?

“It’s different...one less thing to worry about and I could try something new when it grows back, thanks boys.” Handing the mirror over he batted them both on the shoulder and headed out the door without another word leaving the duo in a stunned silence. 

“...The hell just happened?” Brig muttered while Marks still seemed dazed.

“I think...we were just praised…by Blitz.”

“Huh. I guess hell finally froze over.”

  
  



End file.
